After my particularly long absence at the blog seat, I spent time reviewing our two years as parents via my past posts, and learned how rapid changes in perspective is the norm for people raising kids. I embraced the fact and felt decidedly happier knowing that it's okay for me to look back on certain events and realize that I could have handled things better. It's not worth beating one's self up over it, as it was a learning experience and there will be hundreds, thousands - millions more of those presenting themselves as our kids grow up.
That's not to say that most of my time has been spent stressing over our parenting tactics and capabilities, and although I'd be fibbing if I said it didn't keep me up most nights, I am positive that this form of stress is constructive, and helps us become both better parents and human beings. We've been focusing a lot lately over how quickly our kids are growing up. It's mostly me, feeling teary-eyed and nostalgic, while the husband gently and lovingly humors my sentimental booby-ness, consoling me. The infant stage is behind us, and it left a long trail of happy memories that we'll cherish forever. We're currently in the throes of the toddler phase, and if it doesn't drive us both clinically insane one child at a time, I'm sure we'll reap many pleasant memories from this period in our lives as well. Our goal is to keep up this patterned tradition of happy kids > happy parents > happy memories.
I realize these are the important formative years and that we only get one shot at making sure our kids grow up feeling loved, happy & secure. These are the years when attachment parenting is supposed to help develop a strong bond between us all. I'm thinking we have about 2-3 more years of this before they turn into sassy little independent kindergartners ready to soak up all the knowledge the world has to offer them. This is where my current pre-planning meltdown has begun. The first person who suggests that I'm overthinking it (which I am usually guilty of) will be ignored, because literally speaking - who can put too much thought into their children's education?
It started off considering our local school district, which leaves much to be desired. I researched elementary schools outside of our small radius and decided on a STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering & Mathematics) facility that I felt had more to offer than a traditional magnet school. I began considering my kid's interests and innate curiosity and realized that they were really too young still to be able to recognize these things in them. They're still into pooping their diapers and climbing on couch cushions and participating in Peek-A-Boo olympics. But I know it's right around the corner, and I want to have a handful of options and pre-decisions at the ready for when we have to get serious about school placement.
Like most mothers, my mind started inadvertently creating scenarios that would fall into the "worst case" spectrum: School shootings. Bullying. Recreational drug use. Sex. Bad teachers. Visions of just handing over my kids, still swaddled and vulnerable, over to the wolves...! Suddenly, a public school education seemed to drop a few slots on our range of choices. I mentally revisited my own public education and decided that sex, drugs, rock-n-roll, a half-assed curriculum taught by apathetic, uninteresting, underpaid teachers and the highly overrated "socialization" factor that people seem to deem so important did absolute nothing as far as preparing me for life as an adult in the real world. Unless of course you count working an 8-5 administrative job as a corporate robot while being totally disenfranchised with anything that I was truly passionate about as progress. I don't. So we considered other possibilities.
We've managed to make it and keep our heads above water on one income while raising kids who aren't school-aged. Could I possibly re-enter the workforce, use the second income to fund a private school tuition? We discussed this. Most private schools are expensive, but unfortunately cater to children with a curriculum based around religion, which doesn't resonate well with us. While we'd prefer a secular environment while we teach our kids HOW to think and not WHAT to think, the options just aren't out there for private schools in our area. I'm pretty steadfast in the decision to not indoctrinate our kids with religion until they're old enough to both explore and discern which worldview, be it secular or dogmatic, would best fit within the framework of their life choices.
We started considering home schooling, and at this point, it is the major contender in how we're going to educate our kids. While it was in the discussion phase, neither my husband or I had much experience or information about it to be able to make a solid decision. And so the research begins...
More to follow, as I journal through the surprising research and findings along this new journey.
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